BLUE !DEAS

The past few weeks were.. err .. deadly. Don’t worry, it’s not my ghost writing this post, besides… deadly to me is just some word that i could think of rather than using “low” or BLUE.

I’ve been quite busy with life’s ordeal’s.. with what life has to give making my worth more than ever. I dunno if i can talk about it since it’s nothing actually. It’s too boring others will puke reading it. After being “blue” for 2 weeks, i say.. this Monday will be the start of my better days. I have decided to stop this stupidity… sabi ko nga.. at sabi nila.. “suffering is optional.”

Tsaka tao lang.. na nadadarang.. at natutukso rin

So there.. i’ve kept my sanity intact… how? by doing what i do best… uminom.. gumimik.. spend deadly evenings with friends…. stay away from home.. hide… deny … and sleep. Damn! Life is good!

Actually i’ve been sober thrice last week… real truth is.. i was absent at work nung thursday.. paggising ko.. umiikot pa mundo ko.. nyahaha! Nagpa-inom yung barkada ko.. he will be leaving the country the day after. haha. Last weekend naman.. ibang session naman with other friends… i am only at home when i need to sleep. But Sunday.. damn Sunday… i can’t go out dahil lang kay FRANK, humahagupit ang hangin ng kumag na bagyong ‘to. So what i did was sleep all day… i can’t even remember if i had a decent lunch or even dinner yesterday. Nagising lang past midnight… just to sleep again..

Friday was a realization… that.. yeah.. i still have best friends to hold unto. Not some “pseudo-friends” out there who does not even know you that well… how good of a person I am… oo.. i am a good person… sige na.. maniwala na.. mabait ako.. haha

Anyway.. here’s an edited chat with a best friend na ex.. haha:

her: musta ka na?
me : eto.. starting to date.. again
me : trial and error talaga ang relasyon
her: aba aba aba, pinag se selos mo ako???
me : bakit nagseselos ka ba?
her: hahahhaha

her: alam mo pag kaw ka chat ko ang sarap mong lambingin
her: hahahahah
me : mabait na ako ngayon.. hehe
her: hahahahha
me : malay ko sayo…
me : pag ikaw kinulit ko baka ikaw naman ang umiwas nyan
her: bring it on!
me : oh yeah?
me : nyahaha
me : ayoko
her: heheheheh
me : not in a good mood actually
her: y?

her: what happend (seriously)
me : dami lang iniisip
her: like
me : nothing serious, simple things
her: like????
me : haha
her: cge na

me : its not her
her: ay akala ko, ano nga iniisip mo
me : wala..
her: y? what about?
me : ay oo .. i have a lot of friends na kumplikado buhay
me : pero ayos lang ako.. hindi yan ung prob ko… actually wala naman akong prob
me : siguro pinoproblema ko lang ang problema ng ibang tao
her: hehehhe
her: ang gulo mo

me : oh yeah.. ung dini-date ko na girl… na-meet ko
me : ngayong wala na kami.. i mean di naman naging kami…
me : pero we almost had it
me : so i decided to date her
me : we will see each other again next week
me : sabi ko nothing big
me : i know little about her
me : kaya nga ide-date eh
her: hehehehhe

me : i think di nyo na talaga ako kilala ni him
her: y not
her: i think we still do, nothings changed.. your still richard. mas may wisdom ka lng, mas mature mag isip na, pero our friend is still there
her: well i thought i changed too and him, pero andun pa rin yung tayo
me : how sweet
me : im now a certified asshole
her: well because you dont have anyone to share your life with yet
her: pero if you have a significant other na, itll change
me : yeah, and im fukin bored with life
her: dont be

her: life is good
me : i date.. i date.. i date
me : i end up finding the wrong person
me : i end up just effin’ them.. haha
me : oh yeah life is good
me : very

her: well maybe you should break it down, what do you want ba?what are u looking for? short term, long term
me : sometimes i think.. potah.. ganito n lang ba lagi.. nothing really serious?
me : gusto ko long term.. pero i am not emotionally ready yet
me : financially.. i think kaya ko naman
her: dont mix things up
her: when you say long term, and your emotionally not ready, contradicting yun
me : sometimes i feel alone.. wala kasi akong friends na tulad nyo
her: malayo lng tayo pero were just here

me : buti na lang dumating ung best friend ko lately.. kaso imbes na ako magkwento.. ayun.. ung problema nya sa asawa nya ang pinag-usapan namin
her: hehhehe
her: were just here
her: busy man at malayo you can always call/chat
me : i have lots of friends.. pero konti lang ung kilala ako talaga
her: we lab u
me : how touching

me : siguro sometimes i think na sana nag-asawa na lang ako when i had the chance..
her: dumadating yun
me : pero nung dumating ung friend ko at iniwan sya ng asawa nya..
me : i thought i made the right decision staying single
her: di pa cguro right yung timing
me : now i am strongly considering “live in” as an alternative to marriage

me : parang ayoko matali sa isang contract
me : bat kasi di ka naghintay? hahaha
me : we could have built an empire!
her: well im still happy bec i choose to be
her: kaw naman
me : suffering is optional
her: do u know nasa x years na kami on the xxth?
me : nope
her: grabe panahon
me : x years of “trying” to make it?
me : o x years of countless sacrifices
her: gagi ka talaga
me : eh yun ang alam ko

her: u cant have it all
me : oh you can
her: hahahahaha!!!
me : you just choose not to
her: e ikaw kasi e
her: eto na hahahhaha
me : now it’s me again.. haha
her: ofcors it was always u
her: hahahahah

me : alam mo yun that i have a dream
her: pero seriously, pag pinag tagpi tagpi mo kwento natin, parang ang hirap maging tayo
me : i know
me : parang galit ang diyos sa atin
me : “HINDI PWEDENG MAGING KAYO!”
her: then came alis ka
me : hahaha

her: then umalis ka, ang tagal
her: no communication
me : that i belong here
her: that you dont belong to me
her: you belong “there” kasi
me : its not that
her: u have things to do, etc
me : lovelife was not the priority
her: u know while im typing, im smiling na, unlike before ramdam ko hurt
her: i know
her: and i wanted more

me : sabi ko babalikan kita
me : pero i was late
her: kanino mo sinabi? saken
me : ayoko naman ulitin ung nangyari sa atin last time…
me : no.. promise ko sa sarili ko yun na balikan ka
her: next time u make a promise, paki sabi dun sa person na yun ha??
me : hahaha
her: kasi di psychic mga tao
me : i know
her: hahahaha
me : my bad her

me : now mas relieved ako sa mga hang-ups ko
me : kausap lang pala kelangan ko
her: i knew it
her: i was supposed to ask u if u feel better na
me : i realized that i still have you

her: so ok ka na?
me : yeah ok na ko
her: heheheheh
me : thanks
her: fren
me : yeah fren
her: kako lng kasi walang nag ii love u sa u
me : ay madami
her: kaya nilulubos ko na
me : short lived lang kasi haha
her: him and i always say i lab u at the end of our conversation
her: kaw not sweet
me : oo nga
her: hahahah
me : i know
her: practice lang yan

Intindihin nyo na lang.. i’ve removed some details para ma protect naman ang walang kabahid-bahid ng dumi na “GOOD” boy image ko.. nyahaha! Pati na rin ang mga taong napag-usapan .. hehe.

Anyway.. i’m still blessed that i have friends to talk to whenever i need some good advice. Whenever i need to stress out some feelings and whenever i need a life.