Unappreciated
I get haunted by this word every now and then. The sad truth is i get affected by it. The sadder truth is i can’t get over it. The saddest truth is i am.
This issue of my life started when i was still a kid. Least loved, least appreciated. Being youngest in the family doesn’t mean i am the favorite child. Being the youngest to arrive in their lives does not mean i am special, and that i have the right to be one. Since i have no one to turn to, i felt i was an outcast. Reject, useless, idiot. I’ve hated other people for making me feel that way, in the long process it made me want to burn bridges, build walls around me, walls that are so strong no one can penetrate.
The positive thing is that i started not to depend from other people. I started relying on my self alone. I started living a life of my own. Believing that i can. Proved me right after all. I became independent. So independent i am capable of everything.
SAD PART
There are certain consequences i have to suffer for such belief. I started becoming a loner… not trusting other people.. looking at others as if they are all losers. I became a perfectionist, i became what i am today.
I thought i’ve overcome this “unappreciated” issue since LEAP, PSI, ALOHA already. Hindi pa pala. I was ready to accept the fact that i am to ignore what other people think. That i am what i believe. That i too does need to prove anything. Recent life issues proved this that i still care what other people say.. especially from someone very close to you.
Siguro i was fed up by it. Siguro it became monotonous… i got bored. Fuck that idea. It only means that i haven’t changed a bit. That i crave “appreciation” like everyone does. That i still feel unappreciated.
September 25th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
poor, sad, unappreciated richard. poor, sad, lonely richard.
just kidding. we all get that, the feeling unappreciated bit only because we’re human. to counter it, do a random act of kindness. sometimes, when we focus our attention to ourselves (esp. our dramas), then we don’t get to appreciate what happens to our lives. when we focus on others, then it boomerangs the effect on us. give unconditionally, and watch as it goes back to you a hundred fold.
and if that doesn’t work, just remember that people appreciate you in their own ways and the way you are right now, is just right.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
haha… no harm done. I was just focusing on someone so close to me, that’ve given every bit of love i can offer (act of kindness in all forms), provided every strength i can squeeze yet no appreciation ever received, hence the drama.
I thought i have recovered from that issue, and now it’s haunting me back. I’ve learned to ignore it but it keeps on bugging me every now and then.
I do appreciate other people showing gratitude, but how would i react if the someone i love does not?